remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Randomize
