I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I would ride that face into the sunset
Randomize
