What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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