On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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