Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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