make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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