I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
MIDGETS
????
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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