im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
