I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
