Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
