the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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