The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
