My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
