In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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