I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
