I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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