i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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