I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just puked most of my soul out..
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
