SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
