just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wish you could order shots online.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
