you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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