We named our party play list daddy issues
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
