when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
