i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
