He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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