Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize