singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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