How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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