Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
