I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
