Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
