Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Pappa wants mamma naked
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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