Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
now i know why i became what i already was.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
