I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
