omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
