If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
