Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
