great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
