1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
