Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize