it was like his penis was on wheels.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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