hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
