so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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