I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
