Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
