it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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