just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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