But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
