It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Randomize
