party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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