I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
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