just come out here and I will go home with you...
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
