Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize