When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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