its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
