I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
