Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
