I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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