I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
