I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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