She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
