Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
