I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Hippo gnu deer
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
