I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Naked. naked and bneed help.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
