girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
